Guide by Dennis Cooper

Author:Dennis Cooper
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Grove Atlantic

Star-Shaped

As I recall, I woke around noon, checked the bed, realized Luke was already up, then got dressed in a hurry and hit the kitchen. Acid hangovers are nice; I’d forgotten. You feel robotic and spacy, or I did. I put on some coffee, brushed my teeth, shaved, then filled my favorite cup, which changes color according to the temperature of its contents, and carried it into the living room. Luke was sitting on the couch, a spiral notebook in his lap, writing something in faint pencil.

“I was just about to leave you a note,” he said.

“Yeah, sorry.” I flopped down in my armchair.

He shut the notebook. “I’m going back to my place, pack up, spend the night there, then bring my things over tomorrow, if that seems okay.”

“Sure.”

“So …” Luke smiled nonchalantly. It didn’t quite work. His face is a horrible hiding place. “When I live here, where am I going to sleep?”

“You can have the office,” I said.

He looked uncertain.

“I’ll move the desk into my bedroom.”

“Oh, cool,” he said. But he still looked uncertain.

“What?” I sipped some more coffee. The cup was red.

He slid the notebook into his backpack. “I just think we should talk.”

“Sure. But can you wait a few minutes? I’m sort of senile until I’ve had two cups of coffee.”

Luke zipped the backpack. “I’ll give you a call later, then,” he said, and hooked the strap over his shoulder. “Because I kind of have to go.”

“Okay, but what is it?”

“Nothing bad.” He grinned goofily and shot to his feet, unfolding and seeming to lift very slightly off the floor for a second or two like a string puppet. “I’ll leave these here. You should play them.” He indicated a heap of cassettes on the arm of the couch. Then he made an abrupt, roughly star-shaped tour of the room, as if he’d misplaced his car keys, although I could see them in his hand.

“Will do.”

Luke’s tour landed him at the door of my office. It was ajar, but he pushed it wide open. I guess I’d left on the light.

“It’s kind of small,” I said.

“No, it’s perfect. So who are those guys on your bulletin board?”

“People who interest me.” I sipped a little coffee. The cup was orangey.

“They all look alike.”

“Yeah, I know.”

He disappeared into the room. “They look like me,” said his voice.

“That’s true.”

“What interests you about them?” I heard his T-shirt brush over my can of pens and pencils, so he might have been leaning in close to the pictures.

“I don’t know.”

“They’re cute,” said his voice. I couldn’t tell if he was kidding.

“Yeah.”

Luke reappeared in the doorway. “Is that why they interest you?” He seemed to be studying me.

“Partly.” I sipped a little coffee. The cup was orange.

“So … I’ll call you later,” he said.

When the door shut, I made a decision. It was very complicated, and I wouldn’t know how to describe it. It might have resembled the kinds of decisions guys make just before they get married or join the army or turn themselves in to the cops or begin to kick drugs.

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